truth is...

Sometimes i wish i can turn back the time and fix everything that i has done wrong. not because i wanna prove myself right, simply because i dont wanna hurt anyone. 

Sometimes i got really confused with myself...what i really want in life?

I bet, there are some people that i have hurt so badly. there are some people who really hate me for some reason. there are some people who i have betrayed. there are some people who i have disappointed. 

They all said, we learn from mistakes. this was my mistake. but i swear this isn't what i want to happen. 

Truth is... i dont know what i want..i dont know what im looking for...im confused.

Now it's too late to fix everything...it's way too late...i wanna say that i regret what had happen but i dont know...should i? or i should just let go of the past....

there are times...i'll be looking back at the good old time...it was sweet memorable and touching.

is it okay to say... i miss how close we are... i miss us...

there are things that cant simply be change...there are things that too much to be explain...

for now in my life...i accept everything that had happened. for everything happened has its own reason. 

people may change, feelings fade, friendship became enemy, lovers became stranger...but the memories will always be there. people may hate me very much and i really dont know how to explain myself but someday i hope they will understand. i may have done the biggest crime and i may be the hardest person to apologies...i like to keep things for myself...i dont mind if the whole world against me...once again, im not trying to prove myself right...im just lost in my own world...im just lost finding myself...

but my biggest regret will be...i dont mean to hurt anyone nor to hate anyone...sorry will not be enough to get rid of this regret. i choose not to fix everything for only one reason...i dont wanna hurt anyone ever again...i dont wanna take the risk of the same thing happening again... i'd rather live with haters than having to make people i care to possibly be hurt again. cus we wouldn't know what will happen again in future...we have no idea to expect for the unexpected. 

some people call me devil with angel face. I'd live with that ^___^ 

cus that "nickname" was given by a companion who know me inside n out.

if that is what they judge me with im fine cus i believe no one is perfect for no one is better than anyone. 

this is a very great lesson in my life and i will sure take this forever with me...i will always tell myself to never be this person anymore. no more. the old me is dead and gone ♫ ♫ 

Trust me, i love you more than i will ever hate you :) 

please take care and wish you all the best in life. 

Its been a while

first of all, I'm in a pink of health. its been a while since i last updated my blog. really it has been quite some time. and in this particular time i have been missing, many things happen. seriously, so many things happened. but then just let bygone be bygone. looking through my past entry in this blog, yeah there's so many thing has changed. i wanted to just delete some entry for some personal reason but then, maybe i shall just keep it in here. well as the title says, my blog my story... so who cares? i really dun wanna waste my time to mention about the past. i mean basically what had happen in the past that has change the story of my life, technically how my life have been going. well things happen. regardless of how much we want to change or to fix things,but if its not meant to be then its not meant to be. me and my life, we have crisis. but i believe that's where i should learn. its not too late to learn from mistakes, aren't we? everything happens for reason and i believe its a good reason. for those people who are no longer a part of my life, i believe there are reason why it happen to be that way. i wont explain myself, I'm tired. furthermore, i cant see any good reason of explaining myself. people can judge me with anything, i dun mind. cause at the end of the day, i have nothing to lose.

moving on to my "new" life. it has been so far so good. i am now doing my practical / internship training in Sabah Tourism Board (STB) . I'll be doing my training until August 2012. on the 10th of August 2012 is my day of freedom, my last day of practical here. My exam's result was great. i unexpectedly score A for my LAW subject. and another 2 subjects was B+. it was quite good. my days in STB was awesome. i met new friends and they are all so kind. i learn a lot from here. I'm loving my days at work.

me and my hubby, we're now in long distance relationship. but we're still falling deeper and deeper in love everyday. nothing can ever tear us apart, regardless of how far distance we are apart. we're still close in our heart. and we did stole some time meeting each other. we missed each other a lot but we talk and contacting each other every 24/7. what so big deal?our love is stronger than anything.

so that's it so far. I'll update again soon. gotta get back to work. XOXO!

that's my heart beat.

me in the office

happy me!

i don't wanna solve the puzzle

i don't know why ... seems like i'm tired to assume to learn the fact to hope to convince to find out about everything about him that i'm not sure and in another word...that i have doubt.

so i don't wanna waste any of my time with him trying to know every single detail of him. i hate when he called me "police officer" , "inspector" . "detective" or what-so-ever name that indicate a very suspicious girl who wanna know about every damn thing.

he might be a man who's very faithful to me
he might be a man who hide so many secrets from me
he might be a man who always tell the truth
he might be a man who's very good at lying
he might be a man who's very honest to me
he might be the man who don't act true behind me
he might be a man who have learn his lesson
he might be a man i can always trust
he might be a man who as curious as i am
he might be so and so....

i rather it be that way
sometimes there are things that better left unknown
because there are reason why we shouldn't know
and one thing we should always keep in mind
one truth will speak louder than hundred lies.
no bad secret can last forever cause every honest people deserve to know the truth.

i don't wanna be that girl with title "police officer" any more.
i believe if you're as honest as i am, you'll be mine forever.
but if you're not, i deserve someone who wont let me doubt.
so, i raise my case!

my mum told me, if it was for a good intention, it will happen.
 Do everything with good intention. No matter what.

i found this, its yours :')

get together again

remember my last last entry talking about my barbie?
i said we have split? i said we don't live happily ever after?
there is a crazy misunderstanding going on between us.

but now, we kinda get back together again.
we started to talk again.
like how it use to be in the past good old days.

we din say sorry. there are basically no i'm sorry you sorry moments happen to be.
it just happen so suddenly. we started to smile to each other and started to talk again.

i'm happy. cause it's peace already.
somebody told me, between us can never be the same again.
maybe yes. but its okay. as long as everyone is happy and live in peace together.

i hold no grudge and keep no revenge.
all i want in my life is to live it to the fullest.
and as promise, one thing that's always sure about me,
i'm always sincere.
and i'm sincerely happy we're together again. like how it use to be.

all those memories we ever had together...
still or still not...
same like or not like...

i love my barbie ^______^

because no matter what, they're one of the most special thing that ever happen in my life.

Bad days

Since yesterday I'm sick. and seriously I hate it. so much!
its so hard for me to do my assignment when my head was too dizzy and my whole body was freezing cold. seriously that's not fine at all.
I feel so under pressure. I have seriously a LOT of assignments need to be done on TIME.
but if my condition was like this...how the hell am I going to do my work??

I've been trying so hard to force myself to do it. grab the laptop and type some words in it but sadly I can't go on with it any longer. my head was so dizzy and my words is so here and there. and I end up talking crap about my transportation report.
sometimes I feel so dumb, I feel so stupid.
if only I don't failed in this paper, I wont have to do this thing like now. all of this should be over by now. but sadly, yea this is what I have to face now. life is sucks. and this is a GREAT lesson for everyone that no one should failed in the exam because no matter how good the reason behind it, there is always regret and waste of time and effort. believe me.

however, somewhere somehow, I have no other better choices ...
I hate it to the most and with all of my heart and soul but I still have to complete it. "like a boss"
assignments still have to be done on time or I might failing again. the good thing is, after I failed, then I realize every assignments was important to help every student very much in their marks and also exam.

Luckily, by today I feel better. at least I can complete few slide show about that transportation thing.
but still, my damn head feel so heavy. if only my laptop is not stolen by some motherfucking ass, maybe my assignments is already done 50%. I've been working hard since before the mid-term break. but look what happen??shit happened unexpectedly right.

I pray to God HARD. to guide and help me especially with my assignments. please help me and please gimme strength and smart enough, patience and hard working enough to make sure everything is done on time. Amen.

Sincerely,
Lost Girl.

New Year 2012

So here come the new year...another year another new beginning...
but i don't know why i don't really fell that actually things have change.
as for me, everything still stays the same. most of the thing.

back of the days has taught me a lot of thing.
but however in short, last year was a nightmare. seriously.
if i can turn back the time, i would really want to fix every single thing that has gone wrong last year.
because seriously it has given me so many regrets.
last year, i'm a total loser. total failure.
and very much i really feel bad about myself. it sucks man.

in the brighter side however, I've learn so many things too.
I've learn that we have to work hard for what we wanted so badly because opportunity only come once in a lifetime and once it gone it will never comes back.
I've learn that every little thing was important. there are saying, little thing matter the most. yes it was, because even the smallest mistake can ruin the whole big thing.
I've learn that we should never ever give up on what we have started because second chances is not always kind to us. there is always another chance but things will never be the same again.
I've learn that it is very much easy to give love but to gain one is another thing.
I've learn that every advice should be taken very seriously cause you don't know how much important it can be to us and what impact we will get for not taking the advice.
I've learn that life is a race, once we made a mistake in life, we'll be left behind.
Most importantly, I've learn that, we should be no one but ourselves. there's nothing to be ashamed of.
i'm just me. i don't wanna try hard to be another person.
i'm deadly in love with my man. who's an ordinary guy with big heart big dreams and lots of love for me.
he might be not that guy with Mercedes and tall with money but i never lack of anything i need and he complete me in every ways. he can't never be replace.
i'm not the famous chick or top student at my campus.
some people may know me but to some people, i was unknown.
my parents is not any important people in the society and they're not wealthy rich but i have what i need and my parents are the most important people that i need in life.
i don't have the power or any kind of authority to control things , to loudly proudly says to anyone i can kick your ass up and down if you ever mess with me. but i have God. and i believe he is always listening, looking and he knows more than everyone. God know it better and he is better to handle everything his way.
either people like it or not i'm just gonna be my very own self. i might be invisible. but i know what i want, who i need, where i wanna be, which way i wanna take and how i'll make everything happen.

last year maybe was not my luck. but who knows this year i'll have some.
i do have so many regrets about so many things on 2011.
but i always believe everything happen for reasons and i have faith that its a good reason.
for what i had lose...maybe better things in stock is for me. right? ^________^

Goodbye 2011...and Hello 2012...
last year was a nightmare but i'm glad i survived.

Let me start it all over again.
My name is Glydia. BeeBeeDee is my facebook and twitter and blogger name which actually stands for BabyDias. the name of a teddy given by my hubby. either than that, not known for any other famous name.
I can be a loner but that's because i choose too.
as i grow up i started to realize that its more important not to have many friends, some will do, as long as who you have are real friends.
I only love one man and no one but him, i sleep, i eat, i drink, i adore, i love, i live one and only him, so don't you address me neither whore or slut.
don't get me wrong when i don't speak much cause you either a stranger, people i don't like or i'm just not in the mood.
and don't assume me before you try to know me cause some people told me, i'm a bitch with such innocent look. i'll just let you pass with that. leave people to judge. remember, you only see what i choose to show and how i wanna act like. that actually depends on how you treat me.
just be my friends cause one thing for sure, i'm sincere and i accept people for who they are.

that's it for now.
Happy New Year 2012!!!

Devil with Angel's face

this word sound really familiar to me.
someone i ever love so much said this to me. she said i was a devil but with angel's face.
i think that was a gift then :)
i'm not really a bad person. but i'm not really a good person as well.
my Zodiac said : A Taurus will always feel lonely even surrounded with so many people.
Am i? i do have doubt with that prediction. because i'm not basically lonely, maybe i just like to be alone or staying in my own safe space.

maybe there's one thing about me i really hates. i always had to lose people i love. every time i started to love somewhere somehow i eventually lost them. but so far, my boyfriend is still here. through thick and thin he is always here for me and i'm really grateful for that. please don't make me lose him. let me keep him forever.

maybe the only way for me to be strong is to pretend my angel's face when everything has gone wrong. when everything is too late to be fix. but i am not a betrayer. i just made a mistake. i think somehow in my life. i have a trust issue. maybe the saying is right that i shouldn't trust anyone but myself. because the moment i actually put my 100% trust, it's broken. so i figure it out maybe the prediction of the Zodiac,the fact which says i'm a loner basically mean i shouldn't trust anyone ever again. i just should keep everything for myself. that's the only way i wont lose anyone i love again.

but still,in my defense, i'm not a devil. most of the time many people misunderstood my silence. if only people stop assuming, things will be better. i do believe you pay the price for what you bought right? you start it first, you gave me topics to talk about.
if i bite you,i don't expect you to stand still and not bite me back. you bite back. it's even. fair and square. don't be mad? are we cool?

that's just the thing. if you don't hear anything exactly coming from my mouth and directly said to you, can you not assume? because it might be not you.
this world is a creepy place okay. where people loves to see everyone against each other. why?
because, you give them drama to watch and gossip to talk about.
i had enough of this. i just simply give up. because it's worth nothing at the end. seriously.

my conclusion will be, so i let it be. whatever people wanna say about me i just leave it to them. i'm tired to prove them wrong. let them just say i'm a devil with angel's face. it's okay. at least that innocent face can be a real charmer...  ^______________^

but seriously, remember this, i'm not that type of people who like to hurt other people intentionally.

 ~peace~ :)