Devil with Angel's face

this word sound really familiar to me.
someone i ever love so much said this to me. she said i was a devil but with angel's face.
i think that was a gift then :)
i'm not really a bad person. but i'm not really a good person as well.
my Zodiac said : A Taurus will always feel lonely even surrounded with so many people.
Am i? i do have doubt with that prediction. because i'm not basically lonely, maybe i just like to be alone or staying in my own safe space.

maybe there's one thing about me i really hates. i always had to lose people i love. every time i started to love somewhere somehow i eventually lost them. but so far, my boyfriend is still here. through thick and thin he is always here for me and i'm really grateful for that. please don't make me lose him. let me keep him forever.

maybe the only way for me to be strong is to pretend my angel's face when everything has gone wrong. when everything is too late to be fix. but i am not a betrayer. i just made a mistake. i think somehow in my life. i have a trust issue. maybe the saying is right that i shouldn't trust anyone but myself. because the moment i actually put my 100% trust, it's broken. so i figure it out maybe the prediction of the Zodiac,the fact which says i'm a loner basically mean i shouldn't trust anyone ever again. i just should keep everything for myself. that's the only way i wont lose anyone i love again.

but still,in my defense, i'm not a devil. most of the time many people misunderstood my silence. if only people stop assuming, things will be better. i do believe you pay the price for what you bought right? you start it first, you gave me topics to talk about.
if i bite you,i don't expect you to stand still and not bite me back. you bite back. it's even. fair and square. don't be mad? are we cool?

that's just the thing. if you don't hear anything exactly coming from my mouth and directly said to you, can you not assume? because it might be not you.
this world is a creepy place okay. where people loves to see everyone against each other. why?
because, you give them drama to watch and gossip to talk about.
i had enough of this. i just simply give up. because it's worth nothing at the end. seriously.

my conclusion will be, so i let it be. whatever people wanna say about me i just leave it to them. i'm tired to prove them wrong. let them just say i'm a devil with angel's face. it's okay. at least that innocent face can be a real charmer...  ^______________^

but seriously, remember this, i'm not that type of people who like to hurt other people intentionally.

 ~peace~ :)

what girls really need

it is really nice and it is really sweet when you always have one best girlfriend besides you.
someone either than your own boyfriend for sure...
someone to protect and always there to defend you.
someone you can share every small and little thing about you.

you're very lucky if you do have someone like that throughout your life.
someone who is fearless and dare to do anything to take care of each other.
someone you can insult a thousand million times but still don't offend each other.
someone who love you not more than everything but love you as you're part of her.

honestly,you're really lucky. love her. protect her. defend her. just like how she did to you.
be best friend forever :)

our story...

i know this day will come...
if i were ask to explain why...i can't.
simply because honestly i don't know...

the story starts when i met them approximately year ago...
we started to feel we have so much in common...
we started to get close until very close...
we share a lot of secrets together, from small to big ones.
at one time,i can actually felt...
we do love each other :)

people said everything always has an end.
maybe this is how it will end.
between us,strangers again.

is this misunderstanding? are we confused? i've no idea...
i never walk away...i'm still here,but as the matter of fact...
i feel like i was forgotten. like i'm not one of them anymore.
so i started to create distance between us. when i feel like i'm no longer part of the team, i back off. myself.
maybe that is one thing i shouldn't do at the very first place.
however inside me is still the same.
it's just the awkwardness between us is what i can't stand.
so i decided to stay at my own space, and i realize i don't only have them,i still have the rest.
actually they didn't change,so do i...the situation did and that's what bring us apart.

when we started not to get along anymore. there comes the drama.
we start to talk behind about each other. good things bad things you name it.
the truth is,there's nothing to talk about actually...
only because we don't hang around like how it use to be,that's just the whole topic is all about.
so there goes so many story...about this and that...
and from there...slowly...that awkward feeling change to hate...

i'm just a normal person. i do mistakes. a lot of time in life.
i do have my own temper. just like the rest of the human.
i can't always remain calm. i'm not a doll. i do have feelings.
i got confused too. i can easily misunderstood your actions towards me.
there goes assumption. when people start assume without even trying to learn the fact...
misunderstanding take place...lack of communication because we don't talk anymore...
from there...seems like everything has gone wrong. nothing goes right...
and this is what happen now...assumption by assumption...
it actually result to hatred. from best friend to a bunch of bitch talk shit about each other.

truth is,this thing doesn't even need to happen.
because it do not bring any good to any one.
the only thing i regret is...
i once adore my best friend...
i once love all of them...
i once defend them when so many people go against us...
i once trusted them as real friends...
but now...this is what happen.
personally, i feel so bad not because i lost them but simply because we're wrong about each other all this while.
maybe now i finally saw the whole picture of it...

all in all...
thank you for the memories between us...
it is the only thing about us that will always last forever.
i won't forget this half-way friendship.
as for me, it never ends. because i'll pause my memory of all of you only at the happy moments.

i might be not strong enough to handle the awkwardness of us...
but i'm very strong to forget and not to even bother of how much you guys may hate me.
i don't play innocent and i'm dare enough to say that i do contribute in bringing us apart.
because i give up on us. and for so many reason. i'm sorry :')

if it happen to be any one of you is reading this...
for each and everything i said and did to offend you...i'm truly sorry.
for everything i did wrong, forgive me.
because no matter how bad things had happened between us now,
we once care for each other just like how best friend should be :)

every time i saw a Barbie doll...
will reminds me so much of my barbie...
each of them is beautiful with unique character and bitchy and smart in their very own way. BTW that's include me! :p
one thing just simply goes wrong is...
just not like in fairy tales...they don't live TOGETHER happily ever after...
but the memory does. that's our story.
back of the days...barbie do exist and i'm one of them! ^____^

this i promise you

i can't be perfect... i might can't be good enough for you...
i might can't be all that you want me to be...
i can't be the solution of your problems...
i can't be the answer for all your question...
i can't provide you with all what you don't have...
i can't give you all what you wish for...
i can't make all your dreams come true...
no i can't...

but the only thing that i can do the best for you is...
i will never leave.
i can't be good enough for you but i will always be there keep trying to meet your expectation...
i can't be all that you want me to be but i will always give the best of me when i'm with you...
i can't be the solution of your problems but i promise you will never have to solve them alone...
i can't be the answer for all your question but i won't let you search the clue all by yourself...
i can't provide you with all you don't have but you wont be lack a little of my love to you...
i can't give you all what you wish for but i'll put my life on to care for all your need...
i can't make all your dreams come true but my prayer of your success will always be with you each and every move you make...

i can't be the best girlfriend everyone ever wish for. i can't be the perfect girl. i can't be the girl in every man's dream. i can only be me and all that i have for you is true.

no matter how hard the situation can be i will never leave.
even when you tell me to go, i wont go, i will always be there for you.
you will never have to lose me, even when you have nothing more left with you, you'll still have me cause i promise you i will never leave you behind.

if being with you is a war, i'm ready to fight.
if being with you is a mistake, it would be my best mistake ever.
if being with you is pain, i'm tough enough to suffer.
if being with you is patience, i'm strong enough to handle.
if being with you is a risk, i'm ready to take the challenge.
if being with you is a nightmare, i'm ready for the reality.

i just want you to know that you are very important to me. it still a long long way to go between us. but i cherish each and every moment we had. what means more to me is not my smile but yours, your smile make me the happiest girl. i don't regret anything between us. no matter how many fight we are in, at the end of the day i still love you so much and so much more. always remember that i the reason i'm still here is not because of myself but because of you. sometimes your word can be so harsh to me, sometimes you hurt me like no one ever did before, sometimes you disappointed me real bad, but i have no reason why i still wanna be a part of you. all i know is, only with you can i move on. i believe you do love me as much as i do.

i will hold your hand and i wont let them go. no matter how hard our days can be, i promise i still will hold on strong. i believe one day we will make our dreams come true. you and me. i will be there for you just remember that. this i promise you, i will never let you go. and i believe everything will worth the stay.
i hope big wish bigger pray hard and work harder just to make you happy.
you are all the reason i am always here. YOU.

my only one

i'm thankful for everything you've done for me. for every single favor you do for me.
thank you for being there when i need you. thank you for your never ending support.
i will never forget your good deeds to me and i promise i'll make it up to you one day.

i'm sorry sometimes i'm being so selfish. all i think is just about myself.
i put you under my control. i put limit in almost everything.
i can't stand not knowing a little secret of yours. for me, no secrets between us.
i'm sorry i don't give you enough space. i'm sorry i'm all over in a space of yours.

i'm sorry cause i forgot everything you did for me.
i forgot your hard work, your sweat, your effort to make our moment come true.
you work so hard just to make sure every night before i close my eyes to sleep and every morning i open it to see another day, i always got to see you.
i forgot all your sacrifice just to make me happier.

i'm sorry for being selfish. i'm sorry caused i'm insecure.
i just wanna be the only one you hug tight every night.
i just wanna be the only one you got to see every morning before you start your day.
i just wanna be the only loves of your heart. is it even too much to ask?
cause for me, you're always my only one.

insecurity.

I'm just human. a normal one. i'm insecure. i have doubt. i got confused.
a lyric from Adele- Someone like you tells us, "sometimes it last in love, sometimes it hurt instead"
yes, i agreed with that. now i'm in this very stable relationship. i have him and he have me. we have each other. but i sometimes wonder, will it always stay this way? like what Taylor Swift said, "forever and always"
sometimes i look at him and wonder, can i see honesty in his eyes? people said, relationship without trust is like a car without fuel, you can always stay in it but you'll not going anywhere. i don't want a relationship that bring me to no-where. i believe in happy ending, i believe in marriage.
and i believe in faith. i believe He is the one who will decide everything for me. i can just plan and hope but its up to him to make it real. it has been two years dating the same guy, it has been two years of our love story. within this period of time, a lot of thing happen between us. its not always sunny day it sometimes rain with thunder and lighting.
sometimes, i feel very scared. what if i make the wrong choice? what if he is not the one i'm fated to be? what if we have to be apart one day? but i believe somewhere somehow everything happen for reason. some people stay and some people leave and if he meant to be someone who have to leave, it will hard for me but i do believe there are reason for that.

Its her...

Browsing through her pictures...i miss her...looking at her happy smile reminds me of those happy moment i spent with her. Missing those laughter, missing those smile, missing those moment.
Where ever she is now, who ever she is with, i always and always hope the best for her. I'm nice but I'm not an angel, sometimes i say bad things, i cursed, i offended people, i judge, i laugh, i'm a sinner. one thing for sure, i'm not perfect and i can be out of control. however, i always have that one corner in my heart where i treasured all those good thoughts, good memories, good people and i always feel bless because somehow i have people who i love and their presence in my heart actually make me feel that they are actually loving me back.

If i can turn back the time, i'll never wanna hurt her. the moment i lost her, i started to realize that maybe she meant that much to me. where i can't feel her presence anymore make me missing her more and more. i always hope she will forgive me for what i have done to her. but i wonder does that forgiveness worth it for that broken trust and for hurting her. i broke her trust i broke her heart.

My dear baby girl, i'm sorry for everything. people said, when trust is broken sorry mean nothing but still, i really feel sorry. if i can have one wish. i want you back. i miss you....:'(

haters bring up my power!

no one wanna break your heart whore because you don't even have one!!!!!!! (specifically for that whore)

i will be what i wanna be one day, my dream will come true and i always believe in it. you will regret it so much if you had to lose me. 

i'm smiling doesn't mean i'm okay. i'm just good in faking it. you just have no idea what i hold inside me. 

that's how it is. i know life is not fairy tales but i believe good people always have their happy ending.

if you think i'm bad, please please please ask yourselves why? simply because you made me. my attitude is based on how you treat me?okay?

i hate girls who messed up with what is mine. what mine is mine ALONE. 

happy anniversary sayang ♥

today is a happy day for the both of us
today is our special day
for all that we have been through, we reach this far.
it has been quite some time, we have gone through alot of thing together.
21/10/2009 is the day we declare our relationship, is the day where everything started.

thank you for being there for me.
thank you for not giving up on me.
thank you for all and everything sayang.
i'm happy i have you as the love of my life.
you know you are the best part of me.

today, 21/10/2011 make us officially 2years sharing our life.
please,hold me in your arms forever.
i love you so much my Diaswilson John Frankie.
i hope we can still go on, we can always be together.

this what i do...

this what i do... when i'm all alone.
i hate being alone actually because i'll have so many thing on my mind.
i hate to think so much. i don't know but i just don't like it.
i hate it when i start to think how foolish am i....
sometimes i even think i'm such a loser but yea ...
people make mistake, so do i.
please never expect me to be perfect cause you're not perfect too.
when i accept people the way they are i expected the same from them.
sometimes, i'm so mad with my parents . but yes, they're not perfect too. they're just imperfect woman and man and i do accept them as one of the best part of me and i know no matter how far i go to hurt them they're always there and always be so forgiving.
my hope is i want someone who never give up on me and still want no matter how hard it takes to be with me . ♥

im officially missing you...

All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you

Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially

All I do is lay around
Two years full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you

Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you

It's official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you

Lost in my own world

i'm a kind of person sometimes ... most of the times ... living in my own world ... doing my own things ... sometimes, dont even bother about other ...
i sometimes think just let the world belongs to both of us ... you and me ... we'll make a perfect team ... we will.
but then, i slowly realize that ... not everything will turn out like how we wanted it to be.
at that moment ... i think i'm the luckiest person ... but sometimes, i'm not more than just a foolish.
people said, trust is very important. once you broke a trust it will always be a broken trust. no matter how you want to deny. no matter how you are trying to fix everything, it will still stay the same way. you can never feel the same again. almost everything is in doubt. almost everything is suspicious. and because of LOVE, you're still there,protecting what is yours, trying so much not to lose, fighting w/o knowing how to win ... anymore ... yes, that's simply is me.
that one person you always count on, that one person you think that will never gonna let you down, that one person you put so much hope on. that one person simply turn out to be one person you never thought he will ever became. one person who broke every pieces of your trust.
sometimes, i wish i can turn back the time, i dont know. but i just cant. sometimes, it is very easy to say but to do is another thing, even after you are hurt, you simply still there, because of love, you still believe that one person will change.
you believe that one person will never lie to you, that one person will never hurt you, but yeah, people will somehow hurt one another sometimes. and you just have to accept that.
it hurts you a lot, a lot more than words can say when someone mean the world to you ... is not what you think that person is. but still, only you know what is inside you, no one no eyes can see what you hide behind your feeling.
because of love, you're still there, with that broken promises, things no longer stay the same but you're still there cause giving up is not your thing.
one day, when the day is come, you need to run, take your risk,take the memories, simply left everything behind, cause its no longer the same.
that one person you met, that one person who gave you those promises, that one person you hope on,
is no longer the same person ...
people change ... feeling fades ... but memories will always stay the same . that's what you should keep.
i still believe that one person is still there, i met him once, but now i lost him, but i believe, i still believe that one day, i'll meet him again. that one person. we will meet again.

this is my story

‎))This is a Story...Please read this!

Hi, Mommy.

...I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few
weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise.
Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got
beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I
will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me
your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we
have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to
be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't
wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was
perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I
will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I
know it already.

Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about
me! ...He wasn't happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that
you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called
wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand
yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did
something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and
your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad
for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It
doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after,
and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I
do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I
don't like it, Mommy.

Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and
you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes,
and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most
beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm
happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait
and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will
make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.

I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your
hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love
you, Mommy.

Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting
funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't
know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry,
Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to
protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good
person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want
us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy?

You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?

It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or
touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I
still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when
you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug
me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do
that when you're awake, any more?

I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going
somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a
hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell
you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait.

...Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't
know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think
something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared,
Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love
you!

Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It
feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They
told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you
get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something
wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why
don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want
to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care
about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say
you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and
see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I
want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did
something wrong. I love you!

I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just…

One more heart that was stopped.

Two more eyes that will never see.

Two more hands that will never touch.

Two more legs that will never run.

One more mouth that will never speak.

If you’re against abortion, reblog.

AMEN!!!

My Update!

the final semester exam is ON right now ...
i have 6 paper to sit on and definitely to PASS!
i'm quite worry with my LAW paper, its a tough paper i tell  you ... but still like it or not i have to pass this, cause  honestly, the law lecturer (name is not to  be mention here), is not one of my favorite, unlike my other lecture.
she can be like extremely fussy and so many this and that -_____-
her lecture was so BORED ... should i say bored to death???
however, she's teaching law ... so i already expected the lecture will be that much bored and so do the lecturer ...
we failed our test, and she's nagging about it, one thing i dont really like is, she compare us  with another students ... thats not good okay ... everyone have their own strength and weaknesses, no one is better that other , everyone is better in their own way !
But yes, i accepted every single thing she said about us, every single thing she said about me, but one thing for sure, this will be my last lecture with her, caused im not gonna coming back for another lecture with her! i will not! i'll prove to her, im gonna get over this subject, i have my own law, i just never fail and thats a promise!

My coming soon paper is Culture ... my favorite subject.
i will score on this tomorrow .... i know i can do this !
for now i have to study ... one whole day is about S.T.U.D.Y


~ i'm a smart girl , i can do this ~

i want to be your favorite hello & your hardest goodbye.

i want to be your favorite HELLO and your hardest GOODBYE.
i want to be that one person, the one and only for you.
sometimes things happen unexpectedly. sometimes what we afraid the most is what chasing after us.
we tried to avoid and run away from it but we cant always escape. sometimes, we got caught.
we are normal human being. all afraid of goodbye all afraid of lose.
sometimes people hurt us but we still remain strong, however no one know what we are feeling inside.
the worst feeling is when someone we respected so much, someone we always rely on, someone we trusted to death, someone we love so much suddenly turn into one heartless person. who is selfish. who is inconsiderate. who is liar. who is not who they use to be.
we can simply says give up, we can simply says its over. but only ourselves know what we have inside.
the memory is still there. the love is still there. and most importantly yes, the trust is still there.
when we are in love we cant say no to what our heart say yes. yes im still into you.

All the thing i love !

can i live in a house like this??haha

this is so fairy tales but very cute !!

i wish this is my room cause it seems perfect for me! >.<

and this is perfect for my study room! i'll study better!

pink is so me !!!

perfect place to chill with friends and  for movie ...

How i wish this is so mine to drive !

cool !!!

Adorable !!!

barbie is my favorite !

i wish i have this pink collection !

crazi-ness over pink !

Love manicure !!!

flat most of the time!

perfect sport shoes !

think pink live green !

barbie !

wedding? me ? haha

im all about cute !!! >.<

definitely !

engagement ? very soon !

cuppy cakes !

cuppy cakes with face !

birthday cakes ! cakes !!!

perfect for my anniversary !

awesome !

xoxo ! cuppy cakes with love !

all-time favorite ! burgers !!!

cool man!

sweet !

i love babies ... so much !!!

can't wait to have my own in the future !

and i will have my own puppy ! MUST !

i love one like this ... adorable !

but hubby prefer one like this...we'll have two puppy altogether  ...

like Katy Perry very much !!!

Adore her !!!

Park Bom 2NE1 ... like her also !

So wanna be like her !!!

but my one and only idol is always ... Marilyn Monroe !

and music is part of me ! i can't live a day without music !

so into guy who can play guitar ... i found one ! my hubby !!! >.<