Devil with Angel's face

this word sound really familiar to me.
someone i ever love so much said this to me. she said i was a devil but with angel's face.
i think that was a gift then :)
i'm not really a bad person. but i'm not really a good person as well.
my Zodiac said : A Taurus will always feel lonely even surrounded with so many people.
Am i? i do have doubt with that prediction. because i'm not basically lonely, maybe i just like to be alone or staying in my own safe space.

maybe there's one thing about me i really hates. i always had to lose people i love. every time i started to love somewhere somehow i eventually lost them. but so far, my boyfriend is still here. through thick and thin he is always here for me and i'm really grateful for that. please don't make me lose him. let me keep him forever.

maybe the only way for me to be strong is to pretend my angel's face when everything has gone wrong. when everything is too late to be fix. but i am not a betrayer. i just made a mistake. i think somehow in my life. i have a trust issue. maybe the saying is right that i shouldn't trust anyone but myself. because the moment i actually put my 100% trust, it's broken. so i figure it out maybe the prediction of the Zodiac,the fact which says i'm a loner basically mean i shouldn't trust anyone ever again. i just should keep everything for myself. that's the only way i wont lose anyone i love again.

but still,in my defense, i'm not a devil. most of the time many people misunderstood my silence. if only people stop assuming, things will be better. i do believe you pay the price for what you bought right? you start it first, you gave me topics to talk about.
if i bite you,i don't expect you to stand still and not bite me back. you bite back. it's even. fair and square. don't be mad? are we cool?

that's just the thing. if you don't hear anything exactly coming from my mouth and directly said to you, can you not assume? because it might be not you.
this world is a creepy place okay. where people loves to see everyone against each other. why?
because, you give them drama to watch and gossip to talk about.
i had enough of this. i just simply give up. because it's worth nothing at the end. seriously.

my conclusion will be, so i let it be. whatever people wanna say about me i just leave it to them. i'm tired to prove them wrong. let them just say i'm a devil with angel's face. it's okay. at least that innocent face can be a real charmer...  ^______________^

but seriously, remember this, i'm not that type of people who like to hurt other people intentionally.

 ~peace~ :)

what girls really need

it is really nice and it is really sweet when you always have one best girlfriend besides you.
someone either than your own boyfriend for sure...
someone to protect and always there to defend you.
someone you can share every small and little thing about you.

you're very lucky if you do have someone like that throughout your life.
someone who is fearless and dare to do anything to take care of each other.
someone you can insult a thousand million times but still don't offend each other.
someone who love you not more than everything but love you as you're part of her.

honestly,you're really lucky. love her. protect her. defend her. just like how she did to you.
be best friend forever :)

our story...

i know this day will come...
if i were ask to explain why...i can't.
simply because honestly i don't know...

the story starts when i met them approximately year ago...
we started to feel we have so much in common...
we started to get close until very close...
we share a lot of secrets together, from small to big ones.
at one time,i can actually felt...
we do love each other :)

people said everything always has an end.
maybe this is how it will end.
between us,strangers again.

is this misunderstanding? are we confused? i've no idea...
i never walk away...i'm still here,but as the matter of fact...
i feel like i was forgotten. like i'm not one of them anymore.
so i started to create distance between us. when i feel like i'm no longer part of the team, i back off. myself.
maybe that is one thing i shouldn't do at the very first place.
however inside me is still the same.
it's just the awkwardness between us is what i can't stand.
so i decided to stay at my own space, and i realize i don't only have them,i still have the rest.
actually they didn't change,so do i...the situation did and that's what bring us apart.

when we started not to get along anymore. there comes the drama.
we start to talk behind about each other. good things bad things you name it.
the truth is,there's nothing to talk about actually...
only because we don't hang around like how it use to be,that's just the whole topic is all about.
so there goes so many story...about this and that...
and from there...slowly...that awkward feeling change to hate...

i'm just a normal person. i do mistakes. a lot of time in life.
i do have my own temper. just like the rest of the human.
i can't always remain calm. i'm not a doll. i do have feelings.
i got confused too. i can easily misunderstood your actions towards me.
there goes assumption. when people start assume without even trying to learn the fact...
misunderstanding take place...lack of communication because we don't talk anymore...
from there...seems like everything has gone wrong. nothing goes right...
and this is what happen now...assumption by assumption...
it actually result to hatred. from best friend to a bunch of bitch talk shit about each other.

truth is,this thing doesn't even need to happen.
because it do not bring any good to any one.
the only thing i regret is...
i once adore my best friend...
i once love all of them...
i once defend them when so many people go against us...
i once trusted them as real friends...
but now...this is what happen.
personally, i feel so bad not because i lost them but simply because we're wrong about each other all this while.
maybe now i finally saw the whole picture of it...

all in all...
thank you for the memories between us...
it is the only thing about us that will always last forever.
i won't forget this half-way friendship.
as for me, it never ends. because i'll pause my memory of all of you only at the happy moments.

i might be not strong enough to handle the awkwardness of us...
but i'm very strong to forget and not to even bother of how much you guys may hate me.
i don't play innocent and i'm dare enough to say that i do contribute in bringing us apart.
because i give up on us. and for so many reason. i'm sorry :')

if it happen to be any one of you is reading this...
for each and everything i said and did to offend you...i'm truly sorry.
for everything i did wrong, forgive me.
because no matter how bad things had happened between us now,
we once care for each other just like how best friend should be :)

every time i saw a Barbie doll...
will reminds me so much of my barbie...
each of them is beautiful with unique character and bitchy and smart in their very own way. BTW that's include me! :p
one thing just simply goes wrong is...
just not like in fairy tales...they don't live TOGETHER happily ever after...
but the memory does. that's our story.
back of the days...barbie do exist and i'm one of them! ^____^